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Friday, 27 April 2012

An uneventful life

Accidents happen when you least expect them. I was eating an apple in the kitchen staring at the rain pelting across the window, and pondering on a chapter that was causing some difficulty. It was a three apple job – it could easily have been a four apple ponder – but for the accident.

I raised the apple – a Braeburn – to my mouth and chomped down with some force – so much force that the apple sheared in a crunch and the entire north face of the Braeburn continued its upward trajectory and hit my nose with even greater force.
I never realised before that apples sting. I felt my nose had come off. Wondered what I was going to say and how long the pain would last. In the mean time I destroyed the evidence, consuming the offending fruit in vengeful bites, but swallowing carefully in case the Braeburn planned a counter-attack.

My nose continued to throb. One nostril seemed blocked, by blood or an errant pip. It was time to see how bad it was, consider how much of the truth to tell my wife. Hit by an apple? For God’s sake. I entered the bathroom with some trepidation and stared into the reflection of a virginal nose, a nose unscathed, blameless, unblemished.

I felt cheated.


Maria Zannini said...

I can tell you this because we're friends...


LOL. Only you could turn an apple misfunction into high drama. Well done.

Mike Keyton said...

Wusses shall inherit the earth, Maria. I'm sure the Good Lord meant to include the Wuss in his sermon on the mount.

And thanks for the compliment. I was desperately searching for something to write about when the apple struck!

LD Masterson said...

Wait - I think there's a story there. The attack of the vicious Braeburns! Much classier than The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

Mike Keyton said...

You might be right...that Braeburn was a scout, a precursor of the main invasion of the undead...apples. What would really send me running though would be a battalion of Golden Delicious Zombies.

Angela Brown said...

LOL!!! Oh no, Mike. Perhaps the previous apple you ate was its father and so this Braeburn felt honor-bound to avenge him. So it lulled you into thinking everything was okay, only to kung fu pie slice you on the nose just enough to hurt but not enough to leave the damage behind. Got to watch out for those avenging apples.

Shirley Wells said...

Oh, too funny. If I were you, I'd stay away from the Killer Cox's. :)

Jay Paoloni said...

I think something similar happened to a man named, hum, what's his name, yes, Isaac Newton.
Any nice inspiration so far?

Mike Keyton said...

Angela it's Kiwi I'm afraid of

Mike Keyton said...

Inspiration. Hmmm... Whisky is safer than apples

Sarah Allen said...

So much for an apple a day, huh?

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

Mike Keyton said...

Nose wouldn't take it, Sarah