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Saturday, 26 November 2016

Sing those blues away


Idiots

I read this week that we don’t wash our hands long enough. I was mortified. I always wash my hands though sometimes, I confess, briskly in a burst of cold water and a quick rub of the towel. It seems the whole Keyton household should have gone down with the plague decades ago and more than once.

But helpful pundits have once more saved the day—a simple rule for the simple-minded. We should all wash our hands to the tune of two verses of the national anthem, and if you don’t know the national anthem ie the very simple-minded, two verses of Happy Birthday sung slowly.

I love it. Not only are my hands gleaming clean my ego is too. It’s so self-affirming:
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday dear Michael,
Happy Birthday to me.
Personally, I think twice is not enough, though I get very strange looks on leaving the bathroom.
Then again, if I was to get to the second verse of our anthem:
O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall.
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all.

I’d wash my hands with even more gusto and probably get locked away.

2 comments:

Maria Zannini said...

Umm...I think you're supposed to sing it silently to yourself. LOL.

Mike Keyton said...

Nonsense, Loud and with gusto! :)