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Friday, 28 September 2018

Where there's muck there's brass

There is fake news, and there is just downright weird news. I’m discounting the idiocies of Gwyneth Paltrew’s Gloop site where indispensable items like ‘Toxi-free casserole dishes retail at $1220. The buyer is assured that it is Gwyneth’s favourite cooking utensil. Yeah right. One presumes that Jade Eggs - $66 stone eggs ‘inserted daily’ (You figure it out) truly do ‘increase sexual energy and pleasure,’ and that a $85 Medicine bag containing crystals that have been ‘energetically cleansed with sage tuned with sound waves, activated with mantras, and blessed with Reiki’’ will cure the common cold; and that a $38 pot of Sex dust will make up for any shortcomings should the Jade egg fails.

There are scales of weirdness: intelligent bathrooms – showers that respond to barked instructions and intelligent toilets that anticipate your needs and obey your instructions. I have a personalised bladder and a fairly predictable bowel movement, for those itching to know. I’m not convinced I need an intelligent toilet to pre-empt either. Though a warm seat might be nice in winter. More to the point, much of these developments will be attuned to Alexa, and to my way of thinking, Big Brother knows more than enough about us without knowing our toilet habits, too.

And speaking of toilet habits, did you know you can make soap from cow dung? Surprisingly not a Gloop product though I suspect It’s only a matter of time—no doubt given added value via mantras, numerous Reiki blessings – and charged with sexual energy.

One final thought. In Sri Lanka paper is manufactured from elephant dung and varies in consistency and colour depending on the dietary habits of  contributory elephants. We just need one smart entrepreneur—a cross between Elon Musk and Gwyneth—to market world excrement in the interests of conservation and trees.


Maria Zannini said...

I'm torn with wanting to know and not wanting to know what kind of people fall for this stuff.

It's bad enough people come up with this stuff--and worse--that they can separate others from their cash. PT Barnum was right.

Mike Keyton said...

PT Barnum was born out of his time, Maria. He'd be really cleaning up now :)