Panning for gold.

 

I’ve always fancied panning for gold, amidst the high Sierras; surrounded by mountains, the deep blue of an American sky, the soaring glint of an eagle, the swirl and gurgle of a fast-flowing stream, peaceful contemplation, hope, something more lucrative than a fish at the end. Instead, I’m scanning our toilet bowl searching for the soft gold gleam of half-digested sweetcorn.

I’m measuring a concept new to me: gut transit time, which sounds like a devolved responsibility of the Minister of Transport. Perhaps another quango is called for, one that will ‘nudge’ the general population to measure the time it takes for food to move from your mouth and emerge from your bottom.

I think it is fair to say that I have been ‘nudged,’ not an unpleasant experience unless you dislike sweetcorn and think there is more to life than measuring the quality of your gut microbiome. My excuse was one of perverse curiosity.

A healthy gut transit time is directly linked to how diverse your microbiome is. ‘Diversity is strength’ a problematic slogan at the best of times does apparently apply to your gut—a  fast or slower  transit time indicating  its health. This does not apply if you’ve just had a Vindaloo.

There is now a plethora of expensive gut health tests, a new and growing obsession with the health of our bowels worth 40 billion dollars globally. It’s easy to see why. A healthy microbiome is linked to a lower risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, arthritis and even dementia. I want none of these things. Nor do I want to spend a fortune on bothersome tests.

There is though a cheap and easy alternative. Sweetcorn. A 50p can should do it. 

Give it a try I thought. Why not? Doubt crept in. What if my gut transit time was unhealthy? Would I have to eat kimchi? 

I swallowed my fear, checked the time, and ate my three heaped tablespoons of sweetcorn. I noted the time I’d finished. After that it is a matter of patience, scanning the turds as they plop into the bowl. As I said panning for gold. The moment you see that first glimmer of gold check your watch and  there you have it,  your ‘gut transit time.’ 

Those with a healthy gut pan gold in 24 hours but anywhere over 14 and under 58 hours has a degree of acceptability. 

Where did I get this crucial nugget of information? Some health expert online. Experts. To quote: if it appears within 4 hours, ‘you likely have diarrhoea.’ Really? 

But to the point, the shorter the time - 4 to 12 hours -  the more likely it is that your gut biome is absorbing insufficient nutrients. It may also indicate inflammatory bowel disease or irritable bowel syndrome. 58 hours or over indicates a slow gut transit time which again reflects an unhealthy microbiome. The gut isn’t getting enough of its favourite food ie fibre. 

For those of you who want to go down this route but loathe sweetcorn you can use beetroot in which case you note when your poo becomes a virulent red. Blue stained muffins, and even charcoal are other alternatives, though three tablespoons of the latter doesn’t immediately appeal. 

So, on balance, useful advice— not to be sniffed at.

And in my case, I don't have to each kimchi.