Some things stick
in the mind; in this case a comic. It was black and white and showed a
suspiciously handsome man, suave in moonlight, and showing a lissom young woman
his swimming pool. She dives in and is instantly transformed into bone. The pool
is acid – comic-book strength. The villain chuckles and we see that he is mad
and the moonlight shines on his cheekbones and those of the woman drifting in a
black and white pool.
It was a bit like
that in teaching. The bell went and you dived into acid – the classroom instead
of a pool. You assumed a persona and then dived. This maligns the children I
taught. None of them were acid, though some verged on the alkaline.
The comparison is inexact in other ways, too. In a real pool behaviour varies. Not everyone dives in. Most enter from the shallow end,
walking slowly in cold water and extending their arms slightly, wiggling their
fingers as though tickling invisible butterflies. You couldn’t do that in a
classroom…well, you could, but you wouldn’t last long.
But I digress. The
point of this comic book memory is that the villain was male. In fact I can’t recall
reading a comic with a female equivalent, luring lissom young men into an acid
pool and drinking champagne in moonlight, savouring their screams.
This brings me to
Doctor Who.
There’s been much
speculation about a new dawn, its inevitability. A momentum is building. It’s
time, they say…for a woman doctor.
Rip my childhood
apart at your peril!
I’m fine with
women villains, real villains - a Joker with breasts instead of the merely maladjusted -
eye-candy like Cat-woman. I’m fine with a female God, a female Pope, and to
hell with John Knox’s ‘…first blast of the trumpet against the monstruous
regiment of women’ But a line has to be drawn. And though, Katrina Monroe, I am sure,
would make an exemplary Doctor it wouldn’t be Doctor Who.
This leads to an obvious question. Why are there
no iconic women characters in fiction or film? I know there are a host of
strong women characters, ranging from conniving minxes like Becky Sharpe to the
almost iconic but essentially formulaic like Cagney and Lacy. But unless you
count Miss Marple, who in my opinion almost makes it, there is no one in the
league of say Sherlock Holmes. The reason why is fairly obvious, but the
solution is not to piggy-back on an existing icon, in this case Dr. Who, but
for someone to create a female icon. It’s about time. If not now, when?
In short, you can have Superman, and Super girl,
Super boy, super dog and super horse, but you can’t have Superman changing
into Super girl? Why stop there?
Doctor Who is a man – even when Peter Davison
played him. I don’t want small pouty boys, Justin Beiber look-a-likes playing
assistant to a matriarchal doctor. In a culture of one parent families and
feminised primary schools, Doctor Who is one of the few consistent male role
models on TV. Family TV that is. Besides, think about Captain Jack? He can’t be
doing with women doctors. And neither can I…though not for the same reason.
Once this particular door has been opened
what’s to prevent the same fate being visited upon Hercules, Robin Hood, The
Lone Ranger, Champion the Wonder Horse? No, Doctor Who must stay male and for
any who would tamper with this Divine Law I have just one question: Do you
fancy a dip in my pool tonight...followed by champagne? Yes the water is still.