My toes turn away and pretend I'm not there.

How can you not fall in love with these beauties? You can almost sense their gratitude for being unleashed, puzzled, too. Dazzled by sun. It takes something for an Englishman to relinquish his socks. But then we are not noted for our summers, except in a negative sense.

I wonder if there are dating agencies for toes. Mine look so innocent, elegant even. I walked to town in my sandals and I could feel them, wriggling with joy – all except the two special ones on each foot. These are weirdly bound together like Siamese twins. They can move as one but not individually. Don’t believe I’ve never tried – even to the extent of holding one down with a finger and willing the other one to move. It just glared at me. Immobile. Will power. Their will is stronger than mine. It’s something I used to resent but now I accept them as special. So no, dating might not work for them unless there are similarly inclined twins.

 It’s one and a half miles to Waitrose where I get my free latte - and a newspaper if I spend £5 on groceries. The toes are excited, exuberant even, like small hairless puppies. I buy what I need to. My toes scan the talent. Toes that is. Their ambitions rise no higher.

That afternoon I realise I’ve forgotten some household essentials. The toes are out the door before I am. Forty minutes later I approach the checkout with another £10’s worth of groceries. Without thinking I pick up another newspaper. The checkout guy scans my Waitrose card and looks up unsmiling. “You’ve already had a paper today.” He says it loudly enough for the entire queue to hear:  This man is a thief. The meaning is clear.. I am mortified. My toes turn away and pretend I'm not there.