Sing those blues away

Idiots

I read this week that we don’t wash our hands long enough. I was mortified. I always wash my hands though sometimes, I confess, briskly in a burst of cold water and a quick rub of the towel. It seems the whole Keyton household should have gone down with the plague decades ago and more than once.

But helpful pundits have once more saved the day—a simple rule for the simple-minded. We should all wash our hands to the tune of two verses of the national anthem, and if you don’t know the national anthem ie the very simple-minded, two verses of Happy Birthday sung slowly.

I love it. Not only are my hands gleaming clean my ego is too. It’s so self-affirming:

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday dear Michael,

Happy Birthday to me.

Personally, I think twice is not enough, though I get very strange looks on leaving the bathroom.

Then again, if I was to get to the second verse of our anthem:

O Lord our God arise

Scatter her enemies

And make them fall.

Confound their politics

Frustrate their knavish tricks

On Thee our hopes we fix

God save us all.

I’d wash my hands with even more gusto and probably get locked away.